Earlier I described my goals:
The vision is pretty simple: A sprawling-yet-cozy creative empire, over which I preside as matriarchal leader, facilitating a virtual village economy of live players. The best of the global network and the best of a small town, rolled into one.
Why me? That part is simple too: Do you see anyone else volunteering? I'm willing to put in the work and I know that I can pull it off, that's why. And I'm determined to bring the rest of you with me, so tell the bouncer you're with Sonya 😉
The dream, in all its grandiosity, is pretty understandable — relatable, dare I say. Y'all get it because you want it too, your own little Shangri-La fiefdom. Who wouldn't desire such a thing?
What's not relatable is having this fantasy and then deciding, "Like and subscribe because I'm yeeting my steady paycheck to hustle reality until it gives me what I want."
I teetered on the edge of commitment for several weeks, doing the will-I-won't-I dance internally, and trying quite hard to make "won't I" attractive. This period included telling both my fiancé and my parents, on separate occasions, with complete sincerity, "Of course I'm not going to quit my job, that'd be crazy! But..." In retrospect, what a warning sign! So it goes.
Not long after, I blurted out to the leadership team at work — near the beginning of a mundane sync that I mistakenly thought was my annual review — that I might have to leave because otherwise I was going to torpedo my own productivity through lack of motivation / inability to focus.
What can I say? I'm more of a doer than a planner. (But don't worry, I plan! A bit.) Antonie, bless her, told me to take a week off to think about it. By that afternoon I knew.
Once I admitted to myself just how ready I was to focus full-time on creating, it became part of the calculus that quitting my job would serve as a crucial costly signal. That assumption has panned out so far! (Knock on wood for me, plz.)
The more efficient the market, the more inextricable risk and reward, an always-inextricable duo in the first place. My guess? The market for posting Content™ online is among the most efficient in the world.
But I also know something that capital (writ large) doesn't: I know just how good I am. On top of that, the game has changed such that I can produce a radically more compelling product on my nimble lonesome than under the aegis of any institution.
ultimately, though, yes it is a bet that I can support myself as a writer (among other things, but writing is the most legible so far). there's no way to say this without sounding arrogant, but... I'm actually that good. or that's the gamble, right? we'll see how it turns out
— sonya! supposedly? (@sonyasupposedly) May 7, 2020
You can't sail forward on the momentum of a self-fulfilling prophecy unless you dare to scry the dark glass. I gazed into the crystal ball and that motherfucker mirrored my spirit back to me.
Of course, it helps to have runway:
presumably Garrett isn't the only one wondering this: https://t.co/9Kvra9bJPC
— sonya! supposedly? (@sonyasupposedly) May 7, 2020
since becoming an adult, I've received tens of thousands of dollars due to older relatives passing away. some of it has been spent, but >50% stayed invested
anyway, I'm using ~$20k that wasn't stuck somewhere tax-advantaged to support our bare minimum expenses for the next six months. already bringing in revenue, albeit not a lot yet, which can either supplement budget or extend runway
— sonya! supposedly? (@sonyasupposedly) May 7, 2020
(most will go back into the venture though)
it's not fair that I can afford to try this while most other people can't, but 1) neither my fault nor my responsibility, 2) I intend to personally mitigate the inequity as much as possible. I want to build my own luck into a launchpad for others! for fun, but yes also for profit
— sonya! supposedly? (@sonyasupposedly) May 7, 2020
Furthermore:
if I don't do this when I'm rich, cancel me. I would not be where I am *now* without family money and where I am now isn't even that impressive, it just required (well... entailed) a lot of fucking around in my early 20s https://t.co/Ln9ob3X3CE
— sonya! supposedly? (@sonyasupposedly) May 9, 2020
without my parents' wealth I wouldn't have had the class privilege to get away with skipping college... honestly, innumerable things like that, big and small, tangible and not. heck, being born American let alone in the SF Bay Area was a huge leg up
— sonya! supposedly? (@sonyasupposedly) May 9, 2020
Wish me (additional) luck.
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The header photo depicts a set of fittings for a daishō (pair of swords) by Masayoshi, circa the early 1800s.
