behind the scenes· ·4 min read
Summer happy mail + progress report
Hey, it's been a minute! (My traditional greeting...) Happy autumn 🍂🎃
Happy mail PDFs
September happy mail is late enough that I'm going to roll it into October for an expanded Halloween edition. Sorry about the disruption. Last month I dealt with a health issue that slowed me down, now thankfully ameliorated (knock on wood). More details about that eventually.
In the last behind-the-scenes note, I tried to talk myself into thinking it's okay to miss a month occasionally:
Two-and-a-half years into this print subscription project, I've realized that 10 issues per year is more realistic + sustainable than the full 12. For example, in 2020 I only hit my goal of 12 zines because one month I did a zine trio, which inadvertently made up for the month that I missed. And then in 2021 I sent 10 editions of happy mail and made up the two I missed by issuing "store credit" / not charging for January and February.
However, I genuinely want to do every month. I'll keep trying for that, and if I fall short, well, I appreciate your patience and flexibility. If I fall really short I'll make it up with "store credit" like I did at the beginning of the year. Fortunately I have received literally zero complaints about the happy mail schedule, so I suppose y'all must be happy with how I handle things.
All of that said, I still feel guilty. Lately I've been telling myself, "Guilt is a signpost away from the type of person you don't want to be," which reframes guilt as actionable information rather than a binding judgment of character. And yet, the temptation to flog myself remains strong... so it goes.
What the guilt means is "I want to be reliable and consistent" — pretty difficult for me! I can hit deadlines if I know I'll get in trouble for missing them, but when I know that I won't, it's much more of a struggle. Just something to keep working on, I guess, probably for the rest of my life.
Progress, such as it is
I'm so pleased that I finally finished and published the Godpost. I am moderately less pleased with the essay itself, but I reached "time to ship the damn thing" mindset — given the amount of time I'd already spent ruminating about the draft, it was as good as it was gonna get. The Godpost isn't bad, anyway, just not the transcendent masterpiece I wanted. Now that I've shared my painstaking overwrought version, maybe I can write a better one in the future.
Lex and I are still working on my debut album, currently recording vocals (me) and creating final mixes (him), which is realistically going to take another couple months at least. Nonetheless I hope we can release the first single this month, if the stars align. (Alas, as I write this, I'm doubting it'll come to fruition so quickly.)
Another update on something I mentioned in June:
I proposed a $500 Wanderverse grant to Okro, an illustrator whose psychedelic cottagecore style is a great fit for the project. We're still negotiating, so the arrangement might fall through, in which case I'll find someone else. But I'm feeling good about this prospect!
Okro said yes. I paid them. Then they injured their hand... I've been checking in periodically but I am not sure when, if ever, the art will actually be delivered. Tempted to chalk this up to an L and wash my hands of it, because I feel like an asshole DMing "heyyyyy so about that debilitating injury that put your livelihood in jeopardy" every few weeks.
On the other hand, $500 is a significant chunk of change for the Sonya Supposedly venture. So despite the social discomfort I will continue periodically DMing Okro, pretending that I'm not kinda pissed about the delay. But like, what can you do?
My main takeaway: never again agree to pay the whole sum up-front. I wanted to do half up-front, half on delivery, but Okro said they only do full pre-payment. To be clear, I don't think Okro is trying to screw me — I do believe their hand is messed up, and I bet they're agonizing over all the late commissions (Okro gives clients access to their scheduling spreadsheet, so I can see that I'm far from the only one). They respond to my DMs. But if they were a commercial illustrator versus Twitter artist, this would neverrrr fly.
Issues like the above are why I'm so wary and hesitant of collaboration. I hate relying on other people. But I frequently let myself down as well — for example, missing September happy mail — so who am I to judge?
Relatedly, I'm supposed to have written another Wanderverse installment by now, but I haven't. We'll see if that makes it into October happy mail.
The last thing on deck at the moment is an event zine for a party in the Bay Area at which I ran a workshop. I basically just need to format the material for print, which is nontrivial but way easier than coming up with original ideas. When the zine is ready you will receive a complimentary copy, of course.
You can probably tell that I'm feeling kind of creatively demoralized and disappointed in myself. Where'd my mojo go?! TBD... I know it's around here somewhere.
If you have any questions or want to chat about whatever, hit reply.
As always, your patronage is deeply appreciated — even when I don't believe in myself, you believe in me, and that means the world!
💖🐰