What to do in 2023?

As usual I'm not sure and dithering about it.

Before I get into that, here are the files of November and December happy mail. You can find the rest of the 2022 files in the previous behind-the-scenes newsletter.

Also in that newsletter, I shared:

I'm increasingly fed up with the casual-printout format. Zines are typically ephemeral, but this school-handout style is too fragile. On the one hand, I hope you can readily discard the printouts instead of feeling obligated to stockpile them. But if you do want to keep them, the total lack of durability isn't ideal. Neither is it aesthetically satisfying.

I'm considering — keyword considering — upgrading to regular booklets, using hemp paper or similar for the covers. However, I'm wary of increasing the hand-labor involved. I would need to staple each zine myself (versus the copy shop automatically putting in corner staples) and figure out how to decorate the covers. Is that a wise idea, when I'm already challenged by the monthly deadline? We'll see. I might test it out in December.

As you know, I did not test an upgraded format in December. In part because the booklet stapler I was going to buy went out of stock for a while, but mostly because December was a hectic month (as it often is). Now the booklet stapler is available again... but I still haven't pulled the trigger. INDECISION.

One big worry is that in mid-May I'll have a newborn — will I be able to keep going after he arrives, if I step up the operational demands on myself? Will I be able to keep going at all, with an infant as well as a day job? Unsure.

I did keep pondering happy mail throughout the end of 2022. I wrote bullet points. Aspects I like:

• snail mail, on paper
• conjuring a mood
• featuring public domain art
• sharing highlights from my reading

Aspects I don't like:

• flimsy paper = not durable
• inconvenient to store (if desired)
• my own creation(s) = minority of content

Another option is dropping the price point. A big advantage of charging $12/month was that in addition to covering art supplies and production costs, I had the accumulated budget to commission other people to make things, primarily for Wanderverse. There's still one more commission coming down the line — plus another half if you count Okro (see previous email) — but going forward I'm giving up the practice. Too frustrating and unpredictable.

I think $8/month would be sustainable, and maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty about the material deficits of what I send. Cost-wise it would break down like this:

• 3% to Stripe for payment processing = $0.24, leaving $7.76
• $0.14 for each envelope, ~$0.75 for postage = $0.89, leaving $6.87
• ~$3.60 for color printing, leaving $3.27...
• ...to pay for my Ghost plan, domain name, etc.

Another attractive option, perhaps the most attractive option, is to just... stop. The difficulty is that I'd need to refund the remainder of yearly subscriptions, and I'm not sure I have enough cash in the business bank account to do that.

After writing everything out, I think stopping is what I really want to do. Then I could focus on music and purely personal projects, and soon the baby. But stopping is administratively complex and potentially expensive (which is weird).

I can afford it though — I have other bank accounts — so that concern is probably masking the real reason. Which is... this feels like giving up? Like failure? I derive quite a bit of self-worth from the whole indie publishing thing. Pangs of sunk-cost fallacy re: letting go of the small-but-very-appreciated readership that I have managed to build up since 2020. (Thank you!)

So, yeah. I think I know what I need to do, and the next step is putting together a plan for doing it. Ah, bittersweet conviction, at last...

Header art: Illustration by Kolomon Moser, 1896, discovered via Twitter bot.